Fucking Awesome

Masseur by Cal Exotics

EffinSara — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 16:57:04 +0000

After condoms and lube, a good clitoral vibrator is the most important sex-related product in my life. But somehow, for all of the dozens of vibrators in my toy box, I have yet to find that perfect toy. I make no secret of my great love for the standard pocket rocket, but it has its flaws. The vibrations are perfect, but the form of the toy leaves something to be desired. When I saw the Masseur by Cal Exotics over at Eden Fantasys, I decided to check it out. The silicone exterior and ergonomic shape looked like a step in the right direction.

What it is:

The Masseur is a water-resistant vibrator designed for external use. Its main body is made out of lightweight plastic, but the surfaces designed to be in contact with your body are covered in 100% silicone. The shape is designed to be comfortable in your hand, and the controls fall naturally under your fingers.

There are two buttons: power and function. The power button activates the toy, and turns it off, but does not start the vibrations. After the toy is on, press the function button to begin the vibrations and page through the three speeds and four pulsation patterns. To stop the vibrations, simply press the power button.

This vibe takes two AAA batteries which slide in through a hatch in the base. The hatch does have something of a gasket, so it is water-resistant. The packaging claims that this toy is completely waterproof, but so few toys actually are that I would be cautious.

It’s not difficult to take care of the Masseur. A quick wash with warm water and mild soap will get the silicone nice and clean. If you’re really concerned about cleanliness or would like to share this toy, wipe it down with a 10% bleach solution first. A good water-based lube will make this toy nice and slick; avoid using silicone-based lubes as they can bond with the surface, making it permanently tacky.

First impressions:

This toy is a part of Cal Exotics’ Couture collection, and they’ve been doing a much better job on packaging with this line than with many of their other toys. Nothing about the packaging says “luxury” or “high quality” to me, but at least it doesn’t have some moaning porn star with bad hair and 5 tons of makeup on the front. Instead, it simply has a picture of the toy with some streams of water on the front. I guess it does kind of remind me of my first successful masturbatory experiences, once I figured out how to use the water from the bathtub faucet to get off. The toy comes wrapped in a kind of foamy plastic inside the box. It was pretty easy to unwrap.

The Masseur I received is pink. Not just kind of pink, or half-assed pink. It is a serious pink. A Pepto-Bismol pink. The color reminds me simultaneously of abc bubble gum, chalky Pepto-Bismol, and that episode of The Magic School Bus where they go inside Ralphie. Sexy!

This toy is very light for its size. While this is a quality I appreciate in objects that need to be held relatively still over a period of time, it actually did not turn out to be so great for this toy. I held it over a bright light and it appears to be mostly hollow. If you’ve had basic physics, you may be able to imagine why this doesn’t work out well for a vibrator: vibrations traveling through air are not perceived as vibrations, but instead as sound. And, well, if you’re looking to design something that makes a lot of noise but doesn’t transfer vibrations well, a mostly hollow vibe is definitely the way to go. It’s true, the motor does need some empty space to swing its little weighted arm around to make the vibrations in the first place, but the more solidly the motor is encased in the material of the toy, the better the vibrations will transfer.

Do not expect this toy to be soft and squishy. There is a thin layer of silicone over the plastic of this toy, so it’s there more for its texture and hygienic properties rather than its pliability.

The battery hatch is exceptionally difficult to get open. I used a screw driver to press down the little tab and have not been successful in trying to do it with just my hands.

Actual use:

I guess it will come to no surprise, then, that the performance of this toy was not so hot. You can hear its little motor buzzing away, but very few of the vibrations actually make it to the surface. It’s barely a tickle. I put this vibe on my clit and felt more frustrated than turned on. I threw it aside for a stronger vibe.

I came back to it later, you know, to give it a fair chance. I found that I do like the tug of the silicone against my skin, and that using the toy in place of a finger for friction on my clit and vulva felt pretty good, and the hint of vibrations certainly helped. But it didn’t get me off.

T and I tried it out on each others’ neck and shoulders to relieve aches and muscle tension, but the vibrations simply did not travel deep enough. The shape of the toy was just right to curve with my body, and the hard plastic did feel good when kneaded into my skin. But it may as well have been a non-electronic massage stone without any kind of vibrating functionality!

The bottom line:

Nice try, Cal Exotics, but maybe think it through a little better next time. The shape is excellent, and it is an attractive little toy (except for being OMG PINK). I’m glad to see that the Masseur has been made with high-quality silicone. But this vibrator falls short where it really counts: actually vibrating. If you’re the kind of person who likes really gentle vibrations, I feel like there are plenty of better options out there for you, toys with a true range of intensities so that the toy doesn’t become useless if your preferences change.

I am honestly considering dissecting this vibrator in the name of SCIENCE! Otherwise it will just sit, unused, in the bottom of one of my toy bins.

Thanks, Eden Fantasys, for sending over the Masseur for me to try in exchange for an honest review.

Masseur Clitoral vibrator by California Exotic Material: Silicone / Plastic Safety: $0.00 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

A Little Alone Time

EffinSara — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 03:58:13 +0000

Can I get a little meta? I want to tell you a bit about the process of testing toys.

I have a real, live relationship with a real and wonderful guy. Notice, I said relationship, not laboratory. Sometimes I can’t believe how patient T is with me and this boatload of sex toys that shows up on our front porch on a regular basis. I am committed to testing each item I receive as thoroughly as possible, and I try to test them like I’m not obligated to. That is, I’m not always in the mood for butt plugs, or kink, or sometimes… sometimes I’m not in the mood for toys at all. Sometimes I just want to have sex with my boyfriend, no frills. Okay okay okay, nothing more than my cheapo pocket rocket. I want to choose my toys organically, to test them out when I’m in the mood for them. It seems more fair to the toys, their manufacturers, and the companies that send them to me that way.

But… I have real life, and I have these toys to review. Much of the time, I have to muster up all the sexual creativity I have and find ways to foster a satisfying sex life both for me and for T, and write about the toys.

That’s why I almost didn’t mind that I was without T for a few nights this last weekend. I was completely alone for a few days with no interruptions. I had time to read a little erotica, watch a little porn, and take my time to play with toys at my own pace. If I hadn’t forgotten the lube, conditions would have been absolutely perfect for flood of new reviews!

Nuvaring, one month later

EffinSara — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 00:34:24 +0000

I haven’t made a post here, but I’ve made some noise about it on Twitter. I switched to the ring after more than six years of continuous use of the pill.

I told my mom “Hey, I switched to the ring!” She said, “What? What are you talking about?” I explained to her that it’s the same hormones as the pill, but just a different delivery method. “What, you mean it’s installed? Like an IUD?” “No, it just kind of hangs out, like a tampon.” I couldn’t use the phrase “in my vagina” with my mom. I just couldn’t. “Oh,” she said. “That’s nice.”

So, for those of you who don’t know about the ring, it’s a little plastic ring that is all bendy like a jelly bracelet. It lives in my vagina. It doesn’t matter how exactly it’s positioned as longs as it’s comfortable for me. It releases a constant dose of hormones for three weeks, and then I am supposed to take it out for a week and have a period.

I’m not a big fan of having periods. They’re painful, messy, last too long, and steal my precious iron. So, when I was on the pill, I would often take multiple packs back-to-back, skipping the inactive week. With triphasic pills, I would take the same phase for two or three weeks, taking the pills out of two or three packs, before moving on to the next phase. It was complicated, but to me it was worth it. I only had trouble when I tried to switch to a lower dose… then I would get breakthrough bleeding whether or not I took it like I was supposed to.

With the pill, I had a phone alarm (or T did) that reminded me it was time to take it. If I forgot, I would usually sit bolt upright in bed in the middle of the night as I realized that I had to take it. I couldn’t get the flu or food poisoning, or risk drinking too much, because if I vomited up the pill what would have been the point of taking it in the first place?

Now my contraceptive hormones come from my vagina. I have to remember to switch it after three weeks, but my phone lets me set alerts for specific dates. It’s a lower dose, but I’ve had no problems with spotting.

I don’t feel the ring. Ever. I don’t feel it while walking around, I don’t feel it while having sex. It’s a non-issue. T can’t feel it, either. What I do feel is greater peace of mind regarding contraception. I’m not worried about being covered from day-to-day, and I don’t feel anxious before going to bed as I try to remember whether I’ve taken it or not.

I just hope that I won’t become so relaxed about it that I won’t remember that I need to change it at the end of the three weeks.

Pleasurists #71

EffinSara — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 04:17:06 +0000

Jessica Jae by Johari Davis

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #70? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #72? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday March 21st at 11:59pm PDT.

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

March O’ the Cocks Contest Deadline: March 31st @ Midnight Pacific.
Blog Anniversary Contest Deadline: March 31st.
Jessie’s I Dare You Spring Giveaway Deadline: March 31st @ Midnight.
Win a Green Ophoria V Ring Deadline: March 31st.
Adult Easter Egg Hunt! Deadline: April 2nd @ 11am Central.
Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving Deadline: April 3rd @ 11:59pm Eastern.
A Wee Honey of a Dipper Deadline: April 4th.
Contest! Deadline: April 24th @ 11:59pm.

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?
e[lust] #10

Editor’s Pick

Rascal the Baller by Wilhelmina Wang

Imagine my shock when I got it in the mail and realized it was FUCKING GINORMOUS: this Rascal is a whopping 17.5″ x 2.5″.

Moral of the story: don’t order a toy without carefully checking the specs.

Meanwhile, I was stuck with the damn thing and had to do something with it in order to write a review. The question was, what?

Editor
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Dildos

Topsy Turvy by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
Topco Buster by EffinSara
Vixen Astrovibe by Epiphora
Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish by Carrie Ann
Buster by Darling Dove
Dai-Do #1 by Carrie Ann

Anal Toys

Flexi Felix by Epiphora
Cal Exotics Aluminum Mini Plug by EffinSara
Njoy Pfun by Epiphora

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult Movies & Porn

Lingerie

Erotique SexyFishnet Top with G-String by Sommer Marsden

Storage

Devine Toy Box by Alley

Miscellaneous

Buster by Topco

EffinSara — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 04:47:54 +0000

My favorite kind of dildo is exactly opposite from my preference in men: I like my insertables short and stout and my men long and lean. When Babeland offered up the Buster for review, how could I resist?

What it is:

The Buster is a semi-realistic silicone dildo with a suction cup at its base. It’s only about 5.25″ long, but don’t let that fool you into thinking that this is a small insertable. It happens to be almost 2″ in diameter! This is a dildo for those who like girth. It is also slightly curved, making g-spot stimulation a strong possibility with this toy.

I say semi-realistic because of the orchid color and overall smooth texture, but the Buster does have a pronounced head and ridge running the length of its bottom side, just like a real penis.

The silicone used here is 100% medical grade, meaning you can boil it, bleach it, or run it through the dish washer to sterilize it. It can be shared once sterilized in one of these ways. For everyday cleaning, just wash it with mild soap and warm water. The Buster is appropriate for either vaginal or anal use due to the flared base, but be sure to sterilize it if you plan to use it vaginally after using it anally.

A toy this big should be used with lube, but make it water-based or else you may have an adverse reaction between the toy and any silicone-based lube. If you absolutely must use silicone-based lube, do a spot-test somewhere on the base first to make sure it won’t destroy your new toy.

First impressions:

The packaging of the Buster is clean and simple. It comes in a plastic clamshell with basic information about the toy. No fake-looking porn women. Nice.

The Buster is pretty hefty and feels nice to hold. The silicone is relatively firm, and the shaft isn’t terribly bendy. The suction cup, however, is fairly flexible, and as a result is very effective. Once out of the packaging, I stuck Buster to the TV, to the bottom of the glass coffee table, to the inside of the fridge… it stuck to any semi-glossy surface I could find.

What? No, of course that’s not my game of FFXII. My characters are all at *much* higher levels.

The one problem with Buster is that it has a slight imperfection at the very tip. It’s likely some sort of leftover nub of silicone from the molding process, but could create difficulties in cleaning if close attention is not paid.

Actual use:

The Buster feels awesome! Okay, okay, I know. I like big toys. But the slight curve of the shaft combined with the girth makes one of my favorite combinations for g-spot stimulation. The area just inside of the vagina opening has a ton of nerve endings, and I love having them stimulated by something sizeable, like the Buster or T’s cock. Put that together with an angle that produces firm pressure on my g-spot (easier with a slightly curved toy, like the Buster) and some moderately strong vibration on my clit and I am pretty much guaranteed to have a mind-blowing orgasm within minutes. Pretty good for me, the girl notorious for taking absolutely forever.

While I don’t really have any fuckable surfaces in my house, I did simulate use of the suction cup by sticking this to various surfaces and jacking it off. It didn’t budge. I am reasonably sure that you will be able to stick this dildo to any clean, glossy or semi-glossy surface in your house. Try tiles in your shower, your bedroom wall, a door (thrust by opening and closing!), the seat of a chair, or anything else you can think of.

The bottom line:

What more can I say? The Buster is an uncomplicated dildo, and this is an uncomplicated review. If you like girth, suction cups, and affordable sex toys, this is your dildo and you should not wait another moment to snap one up. The Buster will definitely be seeing a lot of use!

Um, Babeland? I think I’m in love with you for sending me the Buster to review.

Aluminum Mini Plug by Cal Exotics

EffinSara — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 16:42:42 +0000

This is the first of my reviews for SexToy.com, who sent me the 4″ Aluminum Mini Plug for review! I was so excited to try a plug made out of a hard material (up until now I just had silicone and elastomer plugs), and especially one with such a pretty base.

What it is:

The Aluminum Mini Plug is, as the name suggests, an anal toy made out of aluminum. comes in two different sizes: 3″ and 4″. Unlike many plugs that come in multiple sizes, the 3″ and 4″ are not identical in shape. The 4″ is much more stretched out, with a longer taper. It has a brushed finish, and a sparkly plastic gem set into the base.

Because of the gem, it is not recommended that you boil this plug or run it through the dishwasher. The glue that holds the gem in will melt and the gem will fall out. Instead, wash this plug with soap and water, and wipe it down with a 10% bleach solution if you’re thinking about sharing it.

This plug is practically begging to be used for temperature play. Simply submerge it in warm or cold water for a few minutes before use. Make sure to test the temperature against the inside of your wrist before using to make sure that you won’t burn yourself.

First impressions:

The Aluminum Mini Plug came in a flimsy plastic box with a nice satin lining on one side. Unfortunately, the box was not enough to contain this hefty little plug during shipping, as it escaped and was rattling around the box when I received it.

This plug’s name is a bit of a misnomer. While it may be mini in comparison to some of the things people put in their asses (and you might be surprised), it is not the smallest plug I have used. In fact, it is the second-largest plug in my collection: it is slightly less girthy than the Ryder plug.

The aluminum felt cool and smooth in my hand, and I liked the weight of it. While the gem in the base is obviously plastic and doesn’t have a whole lot of depth or sparkle, it’s still a nice, feminine touch to what is usually fairly utilitarian.

I was a little bit concerned by the petite base. Not only is it about the same size as the widest point of the plug, it also has a bit of a taper from the neck out to the width of the base. It seems to me that this would make it easier for the ass, which has already been stretched to the size of the base, to swallow the plug whole. Given the pointy tip and hard material of the plug, this could be even more dangerous than with soft plugs. We approached the testing process with caution.

Actual use:

The long taper and smooth surface resulted in an extremely easy insertion, especially for the size. I still took my time, but with lube it felt almost frictionless. The aluminum was cold, and the sensation was amazing. I could feel every little bit of the plug inside me.

Once past the widest point, the plug just popped right in. It felt completely immobile. It didn’t seem to be trying to pop out at all, nor, thankfully, did it seem to be trying to move any further in. After some clit play, I waited for my muscles to start involuntarily clenching and unclenching around the plug the way they do with soft toys, but it never happened. I felt full, and that was it.

After a little while, the unforgiving aluminum started to get uncomfortable, so I just took it out. The removal process was almost as slow as insertion. It was incredible how much the plug warmed to my body temperature in the five minutes it was inside me.

I did not end up having any problems with the small base, but it still made me nervous. I never felt like I could entirely relax while the plug was in because I kept worrying about it.

The bottom line:

Despite its many positive attributes, this plug is not one of my favorites. I didn’t enjoy the use of a hard material as much as I thought I would, and I couldn’t get over how small the base was. Perhaps someone more experienced with anal play would be more comfortable with the small base and would be able to enjoy it more.

Due to the long taper, I wouldn’t rule this plug out for a very careful beginner. Aluminum obviously doesn’t have any squish to it, so there’s a greater chance of injury. There’s also the pointy tip to worry about, so I wouldn’t move around too much while wearing this plug. Basically, more care needs to be taken with this plug than many others, and it takes away from my experiences with it.

Thank you, SexToy.com, purveyors of fine Sex Toys, for sending me the Aluminum Mini Plug 4″ to review!

We-Vibe II by Standard Innovation

EffinSara — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 16:40:08 +0000

The wonderful people over at BetterSex offered to send me a product in exchange for an honest review. As the intersection of sex toys and partnered sex is so important to me, I decided to review something made specifically for use during partnered sex: the We-Vibe II.

What it is:

The We-Vibe II is a unique, silicone dual stimulator that is meant to be used during vaginal penetration. The smaller end sits inside of the vagina, nestled against the g-spot, while the larger ends curves up to cup the vulva and clit. Each end has its own motor, controlled by a single button near the tip of the larger end. It is a relatively small toy, especially for all of the things it does. It’s normally shaped like a C that is about 3.5″ long and 1.75″ high, but is very flexible.

This version differs from its predecessor in two ways: first, Standard Innovation improved the user interface by changing the controls from a switch to a button, and they also added vibration patterns.

The vibrators have two different speeds and seven patterns of vibration. The We-Vibe is rechargeable, and holds more than enough power for a single session with your partner or favorite insertable. The button that controls all of this is embedded under the silicone, and gives slight tactile feedback so that you know you’ve pressed it. To turn it off, just hold down the button for two seconds. If you turn it on again within an hour, it will start up again in the mode you were last using.

In addition to being totally hands-free, the We-Vibe is also rechargeable! A small plug fits into a hole near the button at the front of the toy. Once fully charged, the We-Vibe can buzz for up to 2 hours.

The silicone exterior of the We-Vibe is non-porous and hypoallergenic, so the material will not cause irritation. It also means that it can be sterilized and used with multiple partners. Just wipe it down with a 10% bleach solution. I would not recommend boiling the We-Vibe or running it through the dishwasher due to its internal moving parts. For everyday cleaning, be sure to wash the We-Vibe after use and store it in a closed container; the silicone does tend to attract lint and dust. Conveniently, a lint-free satin pouch is included in the box.

The included manual claims that the vibe is both shower and bath friendly, so don’t be afraid of getting the We-Vibe wet.

First impressions:

Out of the box, the We-Vibe needs to charge for 24 hours. I was a little bummed. I was so excited for it to have finally arrived, and it needed to sit around plugged in for a whole day before I could use it! I took it out of the box and went to plug it in… but was somewhat confused. There was no hole anywhere on the toy! After reading through the manual, I found out that the silicone exterior of the We-Vibe actually needs to be punctured by the plug the first time you plug it in. This made me kind of sad, like I was hurting my toy. But apparently this is the way you’re supposed to do it.

The silicone is smooth but slightly tacky, and the button was fairly easy to locate and press after a few tries. I was impressed by how thin the middle portion was and really looked forward to putting the We-Vibe to use!

Actual use:

Here’s where the review of the We-Vibe becomes problematic. I know it has the potential to do amazing things to me, but after over a month of experimenting I still haven’t had that “wow!” moment. When I have the We-Vibe in and am penetrated, instead of the penis or dildo pressing the internal vibrator against my g-spot, it moves the whole device over to the side where it doesn’t do much of anything. I have a strong feeling that this may be a matter of proper positioning and learning how the toy works best with my body.

I’m definitely not giving up on the We-Vibe! The vibrations are nice and strong, the button is easy to use, and the silicone is wonderful. Using it solo without an insertable, I really enjoy using my fingers to press the internal vibrator against my g-spot.

The bottom line:

The We-Vibe is a beautiful, well-designed product that offers women strong vibrations both internally and externally during sex. Whether or not it will meet my expectation of hands-free orgasms during sex is still uncertain… it may be an anatomy-dependent toy, or it may just require a lot of figuring out and practice. As I am committed to giving you the most thorough reviews possible, I will unfortunately have to say that the jury (consisting mostly of T, my g-spot, and my clit) is still out on the We-Vibe, and that I will need to do a follow-up report in a few months.

A huge thank you to BetterSex for sending me the We-Vibe to review!

Pleasurists #69

EffinSara — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:08:34 +0000

Britni C by Deborah Kolb

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #68? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #70? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday March 21st at 11:59pm PDT.

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Happy Birthday Giveaway Deadline: March 18th @ Noon Eastern.
Care To… Tango? Deadline: March 21st @ 11:59pm Eastern.
For the Ladies Sex Toy Giveaway Deadline: March 8th, 15th, and 22nd.
Five Years of The S Spot! Deadline: March 24th @ Noon.
Win a Green Ophoria V Ring Deadline: March 31st.
Adult Easter Egg Hunt! Deadline: April 2nd @ 11am Central.

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?
e[lust] #9

Editor’s Pick

Tantus Hoss by Sammi

Hoss is enormous. Humongous. Gigantic. Bigger than big. He makes Randy look like a beginner’s toy (and Randy most definitely is not).

Editor’s Note: This is a seriously impressive review because, among other things, Hoss is a seriously impressive toy. I thought it a fitting EP for an impressive edition both in number (69) and in review count (80).

Editor
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Fun Factory Bubbles by Jessie Beth
Fun Factory Bubbles by Sarahbear
Fun Factory Bubbles by Dani Darling
Fun Factory Bubbles by Sexorcism
Fun Factory Bubbles by PrettyPowerTools
Sqweel by FunseXXXtoys Chick
Bcurious by Sammi
MiVibe Necklace by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System by Epiphora
Eroscillator 2 vs. Synergy Pleasure System by PrettyPowerTools
Handbag Hercules Pocket Rocket by Mistress Kay
Remote Controlled Egg by Jessie Beth
Hitachi Magic Wand Executive Pack by Joanna Cake
Kissa by Muffyspingulove
Aqua Rabbit by Jessie Beth
Harmonia by Kristi
Heart’s Desire Teaser by Dani Darling
Little Su Tulip by Red
CyberGlass Swirl Micro Mini by la petite
Aqua Rabbit by Jessie Beth
Calla Lily by Luvasaurus
My Pet Vibrator by Kynky Kytty

Dildos

Jollies Jollet by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter
Jollies Jollet by Epiphora
Tantus Rascal O2 by Sarahbear
LELO Ella by Scintillectual
Tantus G-Force by Ginger Leigh
Tantus G-Force by Saraid
Vixen Vixskin vs. Tantus O2 by Carrie Ann
Goldfrau by Red
Don Wands Pleasure Wand by la petite

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books

Adult Movies & Porn

Lingerie

Storage

Miscellaneous

Under The Bed Restraints by Sportsheets

EffinSara — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 01:57:34 +0000

If you read more than a handful of my posts, you’ll quickly learn that I love me some bondage. I like tying my partner up, I like being tied up, I like to look at pictures of people all tied up (evidence of that is over on SaraPorn, actually). The former two activities occur mainly in bed, primarily because it is soft and comfy. However, I’ll be the first to acknowledge that our bed doesn’t have the best attachment points. The headboard is pretty good, but we lack a footboard. Babeland once again facilitates my kink by sending me more attachment points in the form of Under The Bed Restraints by Sportsheets.

What it is:

The Under The Bed Restraints is actually five items: one series of interconnected attachment points, and four cuffs with quicksnaps attached. The restraints are shaped like an elongated uppercase cursive X, with an adjustable length of webbing forming the center, and two pieces of webbing (also adjustable) with metal rings attached coming out of either end of the center piece. All together, they form a highly versatile, fully customizable system of attachment points on any bed, up to a queen size. The centerpiece and much of the “limbs” are meant to go under a mattress, while the ends come up and onto the top of the mattress where they can be used as an attachment point, no head- or footboard needed.

The included cuffs are made out of a soft felt-like material (though this fabric is much more sturdy) and have strong velcro closures. Each one has a strong metal split ring with a swiveling quicksnap on it. The velcro fasteners make the cuffs infinitely adjustable. All four cuffs are the same size. I didn’t measure just how big they can get, but I do know that they fit around T’s bicep. I would imagine that those with very small wrists and hands might have more trouble than those with thicker wrists and ankles.

Setup:

Here’s a lovely MSPaint diagram of the way I initially set up the restraints. The dashed lines are under the mattress, while the solid portions are on top. The red points are places where the straps are adjustable.

All of the pieces came packaged together in a plastic clamshell. It did not take long at all to untangle them and I decided I wanted to put them on the bed right away. By myself, I lifted up the mattress and slipped the centerpiece underneath. It was not difficult to slide the attachment points where I wanted them, which was close to the corners of the mattress along the top and bottom edges. Because all of the pieces are adjustable, it was fantastically easy to get everything just the way I wanted.

Actual use:

First, I need to comment on the cuffs. While I strongly prefer thick, leather cuffs and was initially disappointed with how flimsy the included cuffs are, after actually putting them to use I can’t actually complain about them. They were extremely soft and comfortable, and didn’t slide up and over my wrist.

The velcro is very strong. I’m a little bit of a brat when it comes to bondage; I have a hard time playing make-believe with restraints that I can easily get out of. If I can squirm my way out, I will. With these, I felt like I was actually stuck. Very impressive for something based on velcro and split rings.

I am aware, however, that I have everything I need to use my own cuffs with the restraints. If the velcro ever starts to weaken, or if I happen to be in the mood for a bit of leather, all I need to do is throw a shackle or double-ended quick-clip on each of my cuffs and I’m all set.

I found that I liked the setup better with the attachment points coming up from the sides of the mattress rather than the top. At the top, they tended to pull together and give more wiggle room, but from the sides they stayed put.

We leave the straps and cuffs on the bed after we’re done with them. The ones near the top of the bed slip between the frame and the wall, and the ones near the foot of the bed get tucked in between the box-spring and the frame. No one would ever know they were there unless they were changing our sheets. The fact that they live on the bed make for very fast set-up; one of us can tie the other down in less than a minute. There are days when the ritual of getting laid out and set up is just part of foreplay, but sometimes you need your partner tied down and tied down fast. I am very happy to have that option.

The bottom line:

If you or your partner likes to be tied to the bed, you need the Under the Bed Restraints. Period. Even if you do have a bed frame with convenient attachment points, it can’t possibly be as versatile as this set of adjustable straps. I have never experienced anything that tops this set in terms of ease of use, fast set-up time, and reliability of restraints. These perfectly designed restraints are not coming off of our bed, and will likely see frequent use for years to come.

Babeland, I can’t thank you enough for bringing the Under the Bed Restraints into my life!

Pleasurists #67

EffinSara — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 00:10:49 +0000

stones by Todd V. Wolfson

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