fucking awesome

With a cocky name like “Ultimate Clit Massager“, how could I not take it on?  Vibrator.com has provided this toy for review.

What it is:

The Ultimate Clit Massager is a small, hard-plastic, external vibrator with a spherical nub for pinpoint clitoral stimulation.  It has the body of a basic pocket rocket, but unlike most vibes of that type it has three speeds and seven patterns of vibration, all controlled by a single button near the bottom of the toy.

The body of the vibrator comes apart into two pieces when the bottom is turned to the “open” setting.  The bottom piece houses the single AA battery while the top piece contains the vibrator.  Once properly closed, this vibrator is waterproof, so you can use it in the tub, and you don’t need to be worried about submerging it while washing it with warm water and soap.  Because it is hard plastic, it cannot be sterilized and should not be shared without a condom.

First impressions:

The packaging design was pretty bad.  At least the stereotypically porn-y woman only took up about a quarter of the front, making her easier to ignore.

The pinpoint nub is smooth and seamless, and due to the angle I found it easy to apply consistent pressure as I ran it along the palm of my hand.

I like pocket rockets.  I find them to be the most consistently useful clitoral stimulators for during-sex orgasms.  But even on the highest speed the Ultimate Clit Massager didn’t feel as strong as other pocket rockets.  Even worse, the vibrations didn’t seem to carry through to the nub very well.  In its favor, though, this toy was very quiet on every setting.

Actual use:

The nub felt pretty good during solo play.  The small surface area of the tip helped concentrate the mediocre vibrations so that they were useful for teasing smaller erogenous zones, such as nipples.  For teasing, this toy was perfect.  But when I  got the silly notion in my head that I’d actually want to reach orgasm, this vibrator was downright frustrating.  It just wasn’t giving me enough, even on the highest speed.  The pulsation and wave patterns were more frustrating than anything else once I decided to give them a try.   Every time I’d start with this toy, I’d be reaching for another within a minute or two.

During sex, it was even more useless.  The nub is hard, and I like to, you know, move around during sex so that T doesn’t feel like he’s fucking a corpse.  This lead to some uncomfortable and sudden contact between the hard nub and some of my more sensitive bits.  Ow.  Ow.  Ow.

This toy was not entirely without good points, however.  The textured and ridged handle was a nice touch and made the toy easy to hold in lube-y fingers.  The smooth, rubberized coating of the top felt good against my skin.  I just find myself wishing it was made out of a material with more give to it, and that carried vibrations better.

The bottom line:

Is your clit super sensitive?  Do you want to be able to precisely direct light, teasing vibrations?  If so, then this might be the clit massager for you.  For the rest of us, though, the Ultimate Clit Massager fell short of its claim.  I was so disappointed, not because I really was expecting this to be the “ultimate” vibrator, but because I am always looking for quieter vibrators.

Thank you, Vibrator.com, for sending me the Ultimate Clit Massager!