fucking awesome

My lube. The bottles live on the bedframe, the packets are just some of the ones that live in a drawer.

I was talking with some friends about a service program I participated in in high school where I spent a day at an HIV clinic/info-center and stuffed baggies with condoms, lube, and pamphlets on proper condom use. Someone asked:

“Why does lube prevent AIDS?”

I think it was such a great question that I’m going to repeat my answer here and go a little bit further in-depth.

Lube is included in safe-sex kits because it improves the efficacy of condoms.  Think about it.  A condom is more likely to break if it’s meeting a lot of friction, like in a dry orifice.  The addition of lube ensures that the condom encounters less friction, and is therefore less likely to break.  And a condom is only effective in preventing transmission of HIV if it doesn’t break.  This is true of vaginal or anal sex.

Plus, lube makes sex feel awesome.

T and one of our housemates lived together with this other guy once.  This guy had his out-of-town girlfriend over for a week of sex, after which they actually broke up.  The guy moved out soon after that, but left his large, half-empty box of condoms behind.  Unlubed condoms.  I’m not saying that unlubed condoms don’t have their uses, but when T and my housemate asked him why he bought unlubricated condoms, he responded that he didn’t need lube because he was a “pro”.  The attitude is that he doesn’t need lube because he does a good enough job turning on his partner and getting her wet.  The implication is that anyone who can’t get his partner wet is bad at sex.

Some women naturally don’t produce a whole lot of lube, or not consistently.  Others may produce less due to medication (especially allergy meds, which dry out *all* mucous membranes), or just not having enough water to drink that day.  Also, women tend to produce less lubrication as they get older.  And even for women who do lubricate “adequately”, the rate of natural lube production may not be constant throughout the encounter (she may produce lube initially, but not enough to keep her wet enough for more than a few minutes of sex), and use of a condom always seems to make things dry out.  As an aside, I’ve been trying to figure out why exactly that would be… if you have any ideas, let me know.  So anyway, lube can do nothing but help vaginal sex feel better.

Anal sex is something I have no experience with, but I can tell you that lube is even more important in that situation.  The rectum does not self-lubricate.  No, spit or natural lube borrowed from the vagina is not sufficient.

In solo play, male or female, internal or external, lube can also be useful for all of the reasons mentioned above, but there is no risk of HIV transmission in (normal) masturbation, anyway.

Everyone, pro or novice, should have at least one bottle of lube on his or her nightstand.  It’s just a good idea, especially if you are not in a fluid-bonded relationship and are using condoms as your barrier against possible STIs, or if you depend on them as a method of contraception.

Need lube, but don’t know what to buy?  Well, my first suggestion would be to try out lube samples, which come in little single-use packets.  This way, you can try out many different kinds without spending a lot of money.  Which lube you’ll like best depends partially on personal preference, partially on the use you have in mind, and partially on the quality of the lube itself.  For instance, if you’re looking for a lube to use during anal sex, you’ll need a thicker lube than what you’d use during vaginal sex.  But for vaginal sex, you want to be careful not to upset the local flora, so you’ll want to look for one that is sugar/glycerin-free, and paraben-free if you have a sensitivity to parabens.  If you’re looking for something you can use in the shower, check out silicone-based lubes.

Both of the sex toy stores I visited for my recent field trip post carried sample-size packets of lube, so you may wish to check out your local sex-positive toy store to see if they have them.  If you are like me and live in an area where no such stores exist, some sites like Babeland carry the little packets for many of the lubes they carry.  Babeland also offers sampler packs, one of their house brands and one with a bit of everything.

My personal favorite general-purpose lube is Babeland’s house brand, Babelube (no, Babeland isn’t paying me to be their spokesperson, but they should!).  That’s why you see two bottles in the picture above.  One for each side of the bed.  I also like Swede Aqua Comfort, which is similar in consistency but seems to get stickier.  A thicker lube that I like is Maximus, though I’ve heard some people complain that it stings when used anally.

Protip: If you’re male and want to make being safe feel a bit better, put a drop or two of lube on the underside of the tip of your cock before you put on your condom.  But don’t put on too much; if the condom slides around too much it could slide right off.

Whether you’re looking to make safe sex even safer, or just make things feel better, add a bottle of lube to your arsenal.  You’ll be surprised at how much of a difference it makes.