fucking awesome

If you missed the first post in this series, please take a look at Vibrators and Partnered Sex.

A few of my dildos (and non-dildo toys).

I feel like people have an easy time of understanding why a lesbian couple would want to use dildos.  It helps them understand how two women can “have sex”, regardless of the fact that insertables are not at all required for women to have sex.  But for other kinds of pairings?  There’s already at least one cock involved, why would they need more insertables?

Maybe if all dildos were identical to the partner’s penis, and the partner’s penis was erect and available at all times, and even detachable, this question would make perfect sense.

Let’s be realistic.  No two people are always going to orgasm at the same time, no matter how synced they are.  It’s fantastic when it happens, but we can’t expect it to.  Personally, I tend to outlast my partner.  Not his fault, I am notoriously slow.  And it becomes even more difficult for me to orgasm if I have to step down the level of stimulation part way there.  I had a cock fucking me, but now my partner is out of action!  Whatever shall I do?!

Never fear, I’ve got boxes and boxes of sex toys.  And even though my partner is down for the count, that doesn’t mean he can’t participate and even actively get me off.  He can use a curved toy on me to access my g-spot, a larger dildo when I want a little something more, textured dildos, metal dildos, vibrating insertables… there are so many options that it’s very rare that I don’t have something to suit my mood.

Sex doesn’t end until we’ve both had our fill of orgasms.  Sometimes I’m not feeling particularly orgasmic, but when I’m wanting two or three, having dildos on hand helps keep us clear of the traditional, male-orgasm-centric model of sex.

For a pairing involving a male-bodied and a female-bodied person, dildos (and butt plugs) also open up the possibility of double penetration without the need to get another person involved.  If one follows the usual rules of anal play (lube, relaxation, pacing, communication, and uh… lube) this can be a lot of fun.  With any combination of two people,  it’s also possible to have both partners receive penetration at the same time.

Men who feel a lot of pressure to please their partners with their cocks may end up losing focus on their own pleasure.  This seems unfair to me!  The addition of one or more dildos into their sex lives may help take some of that pressure off and allow them to really enjoy themselves.  Like, if they enjoy blowjobs but are concerned that they may not be able to please their partners if they get off that way, then they’d have another option for giving their partners the penetration they need (assuming that’s something they need/want).  Dildos aren’t cock-replacements, but they do open up a plethora of options for pleasure!

While I was in the middle of writing this article, I was linked through Britni’s Google Reader shared posts to A Man of Many Dicks, a post about male harness use by Phallicity.  If you’d like to hear more about possible ways of using dildos in partnered sex, I’d recommend giving his post a read.